Was this the reason why she had not yet conceived yet? Zuri had done the deed a few times with Khaos, but she had not yet carried his child.
It was not like she really wanted a child. She didn’t like little children in general. They were noisy, annoying, demanding and a handful. She didn’t even know what to do with a baby. All the baby could do was crying, peeing and pooping. That was not something that Zuri would love to deal with.
However, a few times, she caught herself thinking of a baby with grey eyes, with the same mischievous smile that Khaos had and she found herself was smiling with that imaginary baby.
Therefore, the medicine in her hand weighed so heavy. The pill was hard to swallow now and instead, she threw it up. Zuri poked her throat to get the pill out of her. It could be said she was an expert of doing this.
Thanked to her mother to teach her this useful trick. It almost felt like she fell into the same old habit that she was familiar with. It was so easy.
It was so easy to vomit. It was so easy to think that the world didn’t exist. It was so easy to hurt herself. It was so easy for her to give away what she felt when no one was around to judge her.
She thought about this again.
Zuri didn’t know whether or not she wanted a child, but when she swallowed the pill, an image of a little baby with a pair of gray eyes and a mischievous smile, just like how Khaos used to see her came to her mind.
She smiled at the baby. She felt the desire to hold the little one closely. She finally could have something that belonged to her. Her baby. Hers.
She was not sad when she lost Xaden’s baby, because she didn’t want anything to do with the baby, but Khaos’s... it would be different.
But then Zuri remembered she was not a mother figure, she was a failure as a woman, a mate and even a daughter herself. It was so hard for her to see herself as a mother.
What if she turned out to be like her mother?
What if her child would have the same craziness like her?
Or, there was a high chance she would be even a worse mother than Karina.
In the midst of an internal turmoil Zuri had to go through, Khaos came. He found her bending her body and vomiting. He frowned upon seeing what she was doing right now. He thought she would never do this again, but then he was gravely mistaken.
He approached her carefully so he wouldn’t startle her, but Zuri could feel his presence and suddenly stood up. Her eyes widened and she looked panic because she didn’t think Khaos would find her here.
Suddenly, she felt the need to run, run far away.
Somehow, she felt like a failure because she disappointed him again. She knew how he felt whenever she vomited like this. She knew he tried his hardest to make her stop, but right now she couldn’t.
Unfortunately for Zuri, she couldn’t outrun Khaos in this matter, he was too fast for her liking.
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