(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 255

Chapter 255: Side Chapter- Who have I become?

Casper didn’t sleep a wink that night. Or the night after. He spiraled, his brain being his worst own enemy as he drank shakes, paced his apartment, and drank more shakes.

He hadn’t felt okay before this, but having that whole interaction with Gunther had only made things worse. _{freewёbn૦νeɭ.com}

The longer he remained on his own, without anyone else around, the more he fell down the rabbit hole.

Maybe it was a good idea that he left the Guild? If this was the response he was going to get, if this was how he was going to react, he didn’t want to do this anymore. He NEVER wanted to hurt others, and he couldn’t believe himself that not only had he considered hurting Gunther, but that he’d gone through with it.

He’d already called Pamela sobbing and had her talk him down, but he still didn’t know what to do. He’d never been a violent person. He never even thought himself capable of doing something like this. Sure, he’d been happy when Kellen or Captain Thatcher punished people, but he’d never thought he’d be able to do the same.

But he hadn’t done that to some random person who had caused others harm. He’d done it to Gunther. The man he’d been dreaming of pairing with for damn near 10 years. Forget everyone else, forget Captain Thatcher or even those Guides who’d almost killed innocent civilians with their actions, Casper was a monster. No one good hit their partner, and Gunther wasn’t even that to him.

Gunther didn’t want to be that for him. Shit.

Casper felt his eyes water for the 1700th time and just pushed his glasses up and into his hair. It was too late to stop them at this point. He was basically a leaky faucet. The taps to turn off his tears were broken, and he didn’t have the tools to fix them, and everyone else who did?

They were too busy to be able to help him, and he didn’t want to bother them. Pamela was up to her neck in all of the shit involved with the shooting and the gates, and the declaration that the Guild wasn’t allowing civilians without a pass into the building anymore. Not even into the lobby.

It was a huge blow to them image-wise, at least at first. Until the public learned that the beloved Mr. and Mrs. Woods, along with their children, were residing in the Tower. Then, the complaints flipped, and the Saturn Guild was flooded with praise.

Casper had been watching the news almost religiously since he wasn’t allowed into the Tower and didn’t want to be a bother. It wasn’t like he wasn’t speaking to anyone. He messaged Karen, Pamela, and a few of the Espers he normally looked after. They were doing their best to not inconvenience the remaining A Class Guides, and were feeding Casper news that the girls would have filtered for him.

Like how Gunther had been spotted with a giant black eye for several days, and for some reason, he appeared pleased with it.

The sick, rolling feeling in Casper’s stomach didn’t go away when he heard that.

Why the fuck was that man happy about what had happened? And why hadn’t he gotten his injury healed? It wasn’t as if Green was the only person in the Tower who had healing powers, she was just the best person they had. Obviously she was going to be busy with Mr. Woods’ injury, along with Kellen, but there were plenty of capable people who could heal him.

Why would anyone consider his black eye a good thing? Casper had thrown up so much thinking about what he’d done, and the awful sound it made when it hit his face.

God, he might throw up again thinking about it.

Suffice to say, Casper felt like he was going insane. He probably would be insane if he spent another damn moment in this apartment alone. He knew that Kellen had ordered him bedrest, and he had every intention to do so, but as much as Casper was a solitary creature, he was also pack minded.

He liked to be alone, but near others. He’d chosen this home because of the view, but now this place was tainted. The view wasn’t worth it if it meant that when his people were suffering, he couldn’t be there.

If he should even remain there.

He’d been thinking about the threat he made a lot. If he should leave the Guild. Honestly, he was sure it wasn’t intentional on his part, but having someone like Kellen, who was competent, a natural leader, and could work a crowd easily as the pair of the Captain of the Saturn Guild, Casper kind of felt like he was being replaced.