(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 357

Chapter 357: I’m a selfish prick

Casper thought that his blood was going to boil out of his body. He was feeling so many negative emotions he was surprised he wasn’t in the middle of a panic attack. He could be, it could just be different from what he normally experienced. He normally lost his breath, his vision, and collapsed when he had panic attacks.

Currently, he was standing, blocking the door to Kellen and Rhys’ bedroom as Gunther sat inside, on the very edge of the bed. He looked like a kicked puppy, while Casper felt like his whole body was vibrating. His face was flushed, his eyes were watering. He wished he would just stop fucking crying, but he couldn’t.

He was weak, he was tired, and he was unable to resist the pull he had towards Gunther. Forget just liking the guy because he thought they had high compatibility, there was no fucking way he’d have gone this far for another person if he wasn’t head over heels for his dumb ass.

When he’d heard the news that Rhys and Gunther were going to have a fight and that the reason was because Gunther was leaving on a private mission to deal with the E.A.G., Casper thought his heart was going to stop.

It also became clear to him that the date that was going to happen was being kept from him. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that he’d kept himself locked up in his rooms. He felt guilty about it, but at the same time, he didn’t feel guilty at all. He’d had a huge argument with Gunther, and seeing the pain on his face as he confronted him had shaken him. A lot.

Casper was allowed some down time. If it had happened to anyone else in the Guild, they would have been granted the same leniency. Well, Casper would grant them the same leniency. If the others didn’t do the same, that wasn’t his problem right now.

He’d nearly shit himself when he’d been watching a shitty t.v. show and it had been interrupted with Rhys and Gunther yelling at each other. When the first fist made contact, he’d nearly thrown up. Thankfully, for his own sanity, he turned it off, but the pain in his chest as he witnessed the first hit land had shaken him.

Only when he’d gathered himself up enough did he come to Kellen’s place, and he should have been shocked by the state that he was in, but he wasn’t. Instead, he was glad that he had someone who he could find solidarity with.

He was also grateful that Kellen didn’t question his behavour, or say he didn’t have the right to tear into Gunther. He had a feeling that all of the Guides in the room would have told Casper he could do what he wanted as soon as Gunther walked into the fucking apartment with Rhys by his side.

Casper’s hands clenched as he remembered their fucking shocked, dumb faces as if they hadn’t expected any of them to be there. Those dumb Espers. Dumb fucking Espers with dumb fucking dead parents. Dumb parents who had abused them.

"Cas? Are you okay?" Gunther asked carefully, his knee bouncing as he watched Casper remain by the door, his arms crossed and tears pouring down his face. Casper wanted to yell at him. He shouldn’t be the one asking if he was okay, it should be the other way around. Fucking damnit!

Casper unwrapped his arms, raised his glasses and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before he sniffed, putting his glasses on firmly. He took a few steps towards Gunther, coming to a stop a few paces away from him.

"Theodore." Casper rasped, saying his first name and Gunther’s eyes widened in shock. His mouth hung open as he blinked. "What in the world do you think you are doing?" Casper asked and Gunther scrambled. He covered his mouth with his hand, his cheeks turning bright red.

"Uh, well, I don’t-what do you mean, Cas?" Gunther, no, Theodore asked. Casper narrowed his gaze at him.

"Theodore, you know damn well what I am asking. Are you doing this because of me? Because if you are putting yourself in danger because of me, I will never forgive you. This wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want you to go on a fucking suicide mission!" Casper couldn’t help but raise his voice, and then winced. "I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. I-" Theodore stood up, grabbing Casper’s shoulders. Not enough to hurt him, but enough to silence him.

"It’s okay. You can yell at me. I deserve it. I’m not triggered or anything like that." Theodore’s smile was a little twisted as he said that, before he sighed. "I knew they were planning to keep it from you, but I let them. I just...I wanted you not to care." He muttered, turning his head away and Casper’s heart twisted.

"Do you not care anymore?" Casper whispered and Theodore jerked his head towards him, before he narrowed his gaze.