(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 399

Chapter 399: Sometimes we all forget to communicate

Trigger warning- mentions of suicide. Not anything graphic, but could be a concern for some people. Please read at your own discretion.

Kellen flinched.

"Ah, well, I know that sounds bad but...He shouldn’t have remained here. Rhys was..." Kellen sighed. "No, it wasn’t just Rhys. Hill, and everyone was worried about him. I was worried about him." Kellen glanced at Casper. "Did you know why they were monitoring him?" He didn’t think it was a bad thing to tell Casper if he didn’t know.

If he did know, then Casper should understand a bit why Kellen had sent him away.

Casper shook his head, his eyes hardening into grey stones and Kellen winced. Ah hell.

"Probably because they wanted to keep an eye on him? Make sure he didn’t run away?" Casper replied and Kellen sighed.

"You’re half right." He muttered. The wind was sufficiently knocked out of his sails. "Casper...I, you need to keep this between us. If Rhys finds out that I told you..." He trailed off and Casper tensed.

"What? What is it?" He asked, tense. Kellen frowned.

"Rhys kept seeing one future. Or, something like it. No matter what he saw, what he tried to do. He kept searching and searching for a different future, but he couldn’t find it. Until he finally did." Kellen swallowed. Casper didn’t catch on, didn’t clue in, and Kellen swore quietly.

"What was he seeing? I don’t get it Kellen. You need to be more clear." Casper’s tone held a hint of anger to it and Kellen sighed.

"Rhys kept seeing Gunther killing himself. Over and over and over." All the colour drained from Casper’s face.

"What?" He raised a shaking hand to his mouth, covering it as he shook. It was clear it was a great shock to him, and Kellen thought, for the first time, maybe Casper didn’t realise how mentally unstable Gunther was. Gunther was emotional, had always been, but he at least had hidden some of his bad traits from Casper.

"Casper, I’m sorry for telling you like this. But...Gunther doesn’t...he doesn’t see a future, quite literally, without you in it." Casper looked horrified, but what truly worried Kellen was the fact that his eyes began to water.

"Oh my god. Oh my god." Kellen couldn’t stand to watch the other man’s distress, and got up, standing before he moved towards Casper. He sat back down next to him before he pulled the other man against him.

"I’m sorry. I thought you had some idea about this. I didn’t realise Hill and Rhys kept this from you. I have no idea why they did." Kellen lied. He wrapped his arms around Casper, feeling the man shake. Tremble, really. Casper let out a laugh. It was a harsh sound, and it hurt Kellen’s soul.

"I know why. I wasn’t-hell, neither one of us was stable enough to hear the truth." Casper muttered. "Oh my god. Do you know how many he saw?" Casper asked, his arms slowly wrapping around Kellen, squeezing him. Kellen’s chest ached, remembering the state Rhys had been in that night.

"It was enough. Too many, if you ask me. I lost it on Gunther. I won’t apologise for that. He was just letting himself rot. You didn’t deserve that. He didn’t either. He wasn’t trying to get better, nothing. He was lashing out. You should have seen the state Hill and Rhys were in." Kellen let out a dry laugh. "Or maybe not. You might not have found it funny." Kellen muttered.

"So he was...he was on suicide watch?" Casper asked after a long pause. Kellen nodded, letting out a sigh.

"Yeah. He was. I’m sorry Casper. I thought you had some idea." Casper shook his head, giving Kellen a squeeze.

"No. I...thank you for telling me. I should know these things. I just think everyone was being considerate of me and my...situation in regards to Theodore." His voice was quiet as he spoke. He buried his face in Kellen’s shoulder, and Kellen stared at the kitchen and front door, just holding the man.

"Maybe too considerate." Kellen muttered and Casper laughed.

"Is that why you sent Theodore away?" Casper asked and Kellen sighed.

"I gave him a choice. Told Rhys to blame me for it. He wasn’t getting better by being locked up, and I saw an issue that could potentially allow him to get some of his anger out. He wasn’t going to therapy, wasn’t trying to get better, was just beating up Hill. Two of the lieutenants were locked up, unable to do their jobs, and it was a waste of time and energy. So, I saw an opportunity, and seized it." Kellen squeezed Casper. "I know that makes me sound like an asshole, and that’s okay. I just couldn’t watch everyone suffering anymore. You weren’t coming down either, too nervous with him even in the building." Casper winced at the reminder.

"I wasn’t..." Casper tried to defend himself, but Kellen just gave him a squeeze.

"It’s okay. You don’t need to justify it. I have no idea what kind of pain you were in, I just know what I saw. Gunther, er, Theodore chose to go undercover. He could have said no. I wouldn’t have pressed him if he didn’t want to, and it wasn’t like I was going to send him out there without support. Each Guiding Center has a little spot ready for him, on the Saturn Guild’s orders, as well as on the government’s orders." Casper let out a ragged breath.

"I...I heard about that. I overheard the Guides, un, Gabby from Guiding Center B and a few of ours chatting about a new program that had been put in place." Kellen nodded.

"Yeah. It’s supposed to be a secret, so I’ll need to have a talk with Gabby about that, but I just...he’s away from home, he left because he wasn’t doing too well. I don’t want him to think that Rhys abandoned him, or that the Guild was sending him away as a punishment. That’s not it. I just thought he would be good at it, he can be really condescending sometimes, and that he would be able to come back with a clear head." Casper let out a laugh, sounding shocked that he had. Kellen smiled.

"He can be pretty condescending sometimes." Casper agreed. "I just...I’m sorry Kellen. I blamed you for it." Casper said, and Kellen smiled.

"As you should. I did it." Kellen told him, accepting the blame and that was when Casper pushed him away, meeting his gaze. He was crying, and that surprised Kellen.

"No! I shouldn’t be blaming you. I was just looking for somewhere to vent my anger. I was mad at the whole situation. At Theodore, and the Guild, and the universe. At myself. I just...you were the perfect scapegoat. I just pushed everything onto you and I pulled back." Oh. Kellen hadn’t even considered that anything related to Gunther was the reason why Casper had pulled back.