(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 289

Chapter 289: I don’t want to change you

The drive back was quiet. Thankfully, most people were gone like Lieutenant Fisher had said. Esper Blake came out with them, but she didn’t have to do much. One glare from Rhys, holding onto Kellen carefully as well as his cane, really put everyone in their place. Especially because his eyes were so bright he was projecting light.

Kellen was awkward. He didn’t know what to say. Sorry? He wasn’t really sorry for what he’d done though. He had made the right call. If Rhys had been there, there was a high chance that they wouldn’t have caught if not the only D.E.C. traitor, but one of them. He never minded putting himself in danger to get a better result.

Rhys had agreed to it. So had everyone else. Even if Kellen understood that Rhys was upset and for a good reason, it didn’t take away that he had agreed to it. Did it tear him up inside that Rhys was so upset that he almost cried in front of everyone? Yes, it did, but it didn’t change the fact that Rhys had agreed to it.

Kellen knew it was slightly unfair. He felt like he was forcing Rhys to change his opinions just so Kellen could keep his own. He just wasn’t...the sit back and wait type. He’d never been that. There was no way he was going to let others deal with this mess without him involved.

The longer Rhys remained quiet, the more Kellen felt like he was spiraling in his own thoughts. It wasn’t a long drive from the D.E.C. to the Guild tower, but it felt like it with the tense silence that filled the car.

When Rhys pulled into the garage under the Guild and parked the car in its designated spot, he didn’t move to get out of the car after he’d turned it off. Kellen wasn’t sure what to do. He had a feeling that if he attempted to get out of the car right now, it wouldn’t be good.

"I realise that this might feel a little strange to you." Rhys started and Kellen flinched. "You’ve never been in a romantic relationship before, and I doubt your friendships held the same weight, not even the one you have with Brent. Yes, you two would go into gates together, but you weren’t beholden to each other. This, Kellen, is different." Rhys leaned against the steering wheel of the car, sighing heavily.

"I...what do you mean?" Kellen asked, worry filling him. What was he trying to get at?

"I know you haven’t been in a romantic relationship before. In some ways, I’m very excited about it. It means I get to be all of your firsts. Your first date, your first lover, your first time holding hands, but it also gives me the other firsts too. Your first argument, your first lack of consideration, your first time realising that we are a team, not just lovers." Kellen swallowed thickly.

"I didn’t forget that, Rhys." Kellen told him, and Rhys groaned.

"Fuck. Just...let me talk. Please?" Rhys asked, his voice sounding pained. Kellen, worried, placed his hand on his shoulder, and felt how tense Rhys was. Kellen remained silent, letting Rhys speak and Rhys exhaled slowly. He didn’t raise his gaze, not looking at Kellen as he spoke. Kellen didn’t need to know why. His eyes were lighting up the dash of the car.

"Kellen, you are so, so, so important to me. I know it’s important to you to do this. Hell, I can tell it’s practically a compulsion to do this. You probably aren’t even doing it for yourself, but for some damn selfless reason like you need to protect the city, and your Dad. I know that, I get it with the sensible side of my brain, but I’m having a hard time with this." Rhys’ voice cut off, and it sounded like he was choking. Kellen didn’t know what to do.

Rhys’ body was shaking under his hand.

"I know, I know it’s a compulsion from my Esper abilities. I know you would never be happy locked up, or even put somewhere where you were ’safe’, whatever the fuck that means, but I just...I nearly surged when I saw you today, Kellen. Me. I’ve worked so hard to control my feelings, my powers, everything, and you’ve been such a great help this whole time with the constant guiding. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good, this stable, before. Ever. Having good compatibility is important, but I didn’t realise that until you. And even with all that, I almost lost control." Rhys chuckled, but Kellen didn’t like the sound of it. It sounded like it hurt.

"I just don’t want you to think that I don’t understand that you’re not a quiet Guide. You would never be happy tucked away under my protection, but when I agreed to let you do this, you were supposed to be protected. You weren’t supposed to get injured. Esper Blake was supposed to do her fucking job and you were supposed to-" He was getting angry, and he cut himself off.

Kellen was worried. He’d only seen this side of him a few times on the front lines, but being in the car with him, it felt so much more. More tense, more emotional.

Kellen almost opened his mouth to try to offer comfort, but thought better. It sounded like Rhys needed to get this out of him, and Kellen wasn’t going to be the one to stop something like this. He probably needed to, to be able to get over it.

"I can’t reverse time on wounds. I’ve tried, and it never works out well. I’m the only one who can do it to myself. My ability is so fucking selfish and I fucking hate, hate that I can’t help you when it matters. I know, with the logical part of my brain, that we all agreed to this. We all did, but I just..." Rhys finally turned his head to look at Kellen, and Kellen felt his heart drop.

"But you got hurt. Twice. Not the normal kind of hurt. Not the kind of hurt I was bracing myself for, but fucking shot. A human did this to you. I can’t stand that. You’re mine. You are mine, Kellen, and some fucker is walking around out there all proud that he hurt what was mine. I hate that I have this possessive, aggressive side to me, and I know I need to tamper it down. I know you don’t really like it when I get possessive. You’ve shown every sign that you don’t, but I can’t. I can’t stop my brain and body from reacting right now. I completely understand how your Mom was behaving. I was only a few steps from being the same way as her." Rhys was breaking Kellen’s heart.